Saying yes to YOU!

This week I’ve spoken with a number of people who often find they’re dealing with everyone else’s issues, while putting their own lives to one side. Living your Champagne Life fully is about being free to say ‘yes’ to YOU and your priorities (first not last) … and saying ‘thank you’ to others!

Sounds simple doesn’t it? Simple, but not necessarily easy … sometimes we may find ourselves feeling trapped in situations we’ve said ‘yes’ to, when we really meant ‘no’.

The cost of not saying ‘no’ or not asking for assistance

Being unable to say ‘no’ or not asking for assistance may result in any of the following:

  • being resentful that you’re the one at home who’s always picking up the pieces for everyone else.
  • being frustrated at work because you’re the one doing other people’s jobs.
  • being angry with yourself because you’re the one who’s unable to say no.
  • being the martyr because you think the only one you can rely on, to get the job done properly is yourself.
  • being annoyed because the little voice in your head was screaming ‘no’ and yet the ‘yes’ word came out of your mouth as a knee-jerk reaction. You beat yourself up later for saying ‘yes’ when you really know you should have said ‘no’!

Sometimes we say ‘yes’ and we mean ‘yes’. It seems like a real opportunity at the time, however other circumstances we hadn’t planned for suddenly start filling up our time and space. Then we’re faced with conflicting priorities and too much to do and want to scream ‘NO’ at everybody! So how do we have a ‘can do’ approach to life and say ‘no’ with grace and ease?

Saying ‘no’ at work without using the word ‘no’

  1. If you’re having excessive demands ‘dumped’ on you at work, every time someone asks you to do something for them, ask them for their required timeframe.  “Certainly, when do you need it by?”
  2. Once they confirm their deadline, let them know what you’ll be able to deliver within a reasonable time frame. “What I can do is ……(by when).”

They’ll need to ask someone else, if your schedule doesn’t allow you to deliver what they want within their required time frame. Give up trying to please everybody when they are making unreasonable demands.

Setting boundaries at work and home

Set boundaries about who does what. Sit down together and discuss what needs to be done and who will be responsible for what. If you’ve asked others to do something for you, ensure everyone is clear about what has been agreed to, and when it will be completed. Be sure to close the loop every time by asking them to let you know when it’s completed, so nothing is left to chance or assumption.

5 easy ways to say ‘no’ with grace and ease

Saying ‘no’ all depends on the context of the situation. Sometimes using the word ‘no’ with strangers is appropriate. There is ‘no’ one size fits all! Rather than having a knee-jerk reaction, acknowledging a request first, is an opportunity to say ‘thank you’ to others. Here are some generic examples to demonstrate that:

  • When receiving an unsolicited telemarketing call you have no interest in: “Thank you for calling and ‘no’ thanks.”
  • Take a time out when you receive any request: “Thank you for thinking of me (Thank you for asking); let me check my calendar (diary) (schedule) and I’ll get back to you by (a specific time).”
  • When you receive an invitation to go somewhere and you have prioritised that time for one of your higher values. “Thank you for inviting me. That night (time) is already taken care of. I have another engagement) (something else on). I do appreciate being invited and I’m sure it’ll be a great event (you’ll have a great time!)”
  • “Thank you for asking, I’m unable to make it on that day (night).”
  • Slow it down by asking for more details before committing:”Thank you for asking (name), can you give me a few more details?”

In the last few posts I’ve been referring to your major life focus for the next six months. Practising saying ‘yes’ to YOU will enable you to take giant leaps forward in living your Champagne Life … doing what’s really important to you!

Read more from Maree at her blog

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