The first step is to plan. A date does not happen by accident – set aside a time and schedule it on the calendar. The calendar also serves as a tangible reminder to the children that they are so important that their parents schedule time to be with them. Once the date has been scheduled and committed to, do not break it! Choose the location of your date carefully. A date needs to be in a setting where a parent and child can talk. For some it may be a walk in the park. Others may want to fish together. The best setting is a restaurant.
Starting conversation. Ask questions that require more than a one-word answer. And wait for a reply. If nothing much eventuates, wait – don’t jump in. Once your child realises that you actually want to hear her opinion, she will open up and talk. Use words like how, when, what and why – these will result in thinking and feeling questions and answers. One father commented: “If I set aside time with my son, what will I say to him?” The answer is, as little as possible! All your child needs is for you to listen with full, undivided attention. In this way your child learns that he is valuable, that his opinion counts and is even sought after.
The benefits of dating. The ‘pay-off’ for dating your child may not be immediately evident. For months, or even years, nothing of consequence may come up during these special dates. But there may come a time, however, when your teenage daughter needs that special lunch with Mum or Dad to unload a burden. And the benefits of ongoing communication are immeasurable. Don’t forget your preschooler will love to have a ‘date’ too! Ideas for ‘Dates’ Lunch Date. You may want to give your child a written invitation. You could even send it through the mail Dad’s (and Working Mum’s) Treats. Pack a ‘Dad’s Day’ picnic and go to a surprise place to eat it. Take your child for a ‘Dad Type’ shopping trip for one special item : – a new part for an electric train – a model to build – first football / netball – tennis shoes Have a lunch together afterwards at a favourite spot. Plan a ‘Dad’s Special Outing’ with another father and daughter/son. You could go to a football game, a car race, go on a hike or a fishing trip. 10th Birthday Treat. On his 10th birthday, your child is allowed to choose where to go with Mum and/or Dad for the weekend. Movie Go to a good movie, then have dinner at your child’s favourite fast food joint. First day of wintertime for two. Pick your child up after school and stop off for a cup of hot chocolate or your child’s favourite snack. Conversation starters… Talk to your child about …. The future. What will it be like? What will they be doing? What would you like the future to be? Their feelings. Accepting, dealing with and communicating feelings. Their memories.If your child is naturally quiet, try using some of these open-ended statements: Of the following list, which things would be the easiest for you to become addicted to? Money, success, power, fame, sex, alcohol, drugs, work, TV? Describe the person, in as much detail as possible, you would like to marry one day. What is he or she like now – personality / ambitions / friends / values? If you could visit any place you wanted for two weeks, where would you go? Who would you go with? What are your top three favourite songs / movies / books / magazines / TV shows? What do you like most about them? “It takes time to be an effective parent when children are small. It takes time to introduce them to good books… it takes time to fly kites… it takes time to listen… These are the building blocks of self esteem, held together with the mortar of love.” Dr. James Dobson Creative Dates Free Concerts Go fishing Airport Beach Zoo Garden Kite Flying Bushwalk Waterfalls Parades Farm Museum Catch the train into town Ferry Ride Strawberry picking Visit Christmas displays Ride the escalators in town Walk in the rain Watch bulldozers Go to the pet shop / bird barn Visit the local garden centre Visit waterfront and local marina
What are their earliest memories? What are some good and not so good memories? What would it be like if people had no memories?
